Just found some old videos!

I just came across some really old videos of me performing at UCLA's open mic night 3 years ago with ms. Lauren Slusser...I was just barely 18 when this was filmed. I mean the first video is like one of the FIRST songs I wrote! ah! My anti-bush song "Wire Tap." Back when I was a bit more political and listened to a lot of Nirvana, which I can hear a bit in my sound.

Second song is "Because I Can," (comes in a bit later in the second video) which is also one of the first songs I wrote...probably my 3rd song I ever wrote. Still play that one live :) it's my baby. I wrote that song in a tent when I was camping. I didn't really listen to Bob Dylan at the time, but for some reason he was in my head when I wrote it. I didn't even know what the lyrics were or what the song was that was in my head, I just remembered the general feeling, and it was long and each verse started with "I met...". Now I know the song is "A Hard Rain's a'Gonna Fall." It's come full circle though, seeing as Dylan is now one of my biggest influences.





And here's a recent video of me performing "Daddy, Take Me Home" a song which was written around the same time as the two songs above. This was at Sound Bounty @ Tommy Flynn's last week. I was probably about 16 or 17 when I wrote the song (again, I can hear the Nirvana influence in the loud/soft and the loud guitar-chord choruses haha, i don't know about you!)



Life is funny!

Veronica
x

Ever get those moments when something simple suddenly clicks?

I am reading this book about poetry, and they put a couple lines of a W.B. Yeats Poem called "When You Are Old." Just two simple lines in the classic iambic pentameter:

When you are old and grey and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book

Well, somehow for some reason these two lines gave me a shift in perspective. It hit home. I thought about my parents, and my family, and my friends....people who are so close to me, something we can all relate to, right? People who we feel will always be there. But really, we are not inseparable. All of our relationships are transitory, in transit. In the middle of a coffeehouse in Bermondsey, London, I just started to cry. Something clicked. Something basic. That essential aloneness that paradoxically we all must experience together.

Your family is your family for now, your friends, acquaintances, but really we do not own these relationships. They are part of us only temporarily. All things must pass. Dare I say, they are an illusion? But an illusion on only a material level. Perhaps after we die, our spirits are absolved into everyone else's across the universe. And at that point we are all family, friends, acquaintances, just on a different level. (And part of me believes that this same universal relationship exists during life, but on a level apart from what the conscious mind can comprehend).

Of course we have no idea what lies on the other side of it all. But as for what we do know, as far as we can tell, all we can do is take all of our passing relationships in stride. Really LOVE people we have in our lives. Love life. It's so unbelievably short and beautiful. I know it's basic, but how often do we stop to think about this? How often do we get hung up on the silliest of things? If nothing lies beyond life here, then for this moment we are just bursts of energy, color, life, a rare occurrence, just shooting stars flying across the sky, and who knows if we will ever happen again? I feel so unbelievably grateful and blessed to be alive. The power of poetry, all that from two simple lines...
Two more quotes which further illustrate this feeling:

"Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way, and never again."
— Hermann Hesse

"All things transitory are but an allegory" ~wish I could remember who said that...

Remembering Lennon...

John Lennon has probably been the biggest influence on my music and my life. I am so grateful for what he has done in the name of peace. I am one of those who also believes that the future starts in the mind. He and his music will forever remind me to stick to my values and principles. He didn't have to talk about peace. He didn't have to put his life on the line for it. The government wanted him. He didn't care. He wasn't perfect, he was human. He was real, honest, and aware. Everything I strive to be and more.



John, you are missed.
I hope this day reminds us that we are all in this together.

Veronica
x

Under Separate Ceilings (new song)

Today, As We Waltz.mp3

Here's a song I wrote yesterday/today. Click the link above to hear my low-fi recording. It's usually a bit risky (and vulnerable) to share a song so new. But, I figure I have nothing to lose. (As you can tell by the discrepancy between the file name above and the title below, i'm still deciding on what to call it.)

Under Separate Ceilings

We want each other near
But it reminds us too much of our own hearts
So we talk in separate rooms
Unknowingly moving apart
I can’t help but see the whole world in this same place

We’re chasing words
To find our own meaning
We’re quoting bits
That complete the feeling
We’re singing songs
Someone’s already been singing
We’re making love
Under separate ceilings
Meanwhile, rain outside’s a fallin
rain outside’s a fallin
On this world
Crashing down
all around us


Since we found this trick
which helps us to exist
We’ve lost the
essence of each other’s words
But all along there’s a string
That ties together everything
Gets kinda tangled up when we waltz
We gaze lonesome inside youth’s walls
Each man a mirror that will catch you when you fall
Intertwine with the rising tide, cuz we haven’t a home to hide
Except maybe in our dreams…


We’re chasing words
To find our own meaning
We’re quoting bits
That complete the feeling
We’re singing songs
Someone’s already been singing
We’re making love
Under separate ceilings
Meanwhile, rain outside’s a fallin
rain outside’s a fallin
rain outside’s a fallin
On this world all around us

We want each other near
But it reminds us too much of our own hearts
So we talk in separate rooms
Eternally moving apart
I can't help but see the whole world in this same place

Red Wine

So, instead of doing homework I have uploaded a song that none of you have heard!
This one was written recently, here are the lyrics:

Click this title below to hear it:
Red Wine

I just don’t know
How to fit anymore
Toss and turn in the bed sheets of my mind
Can’t focus my eyes
Can’t walk in a straight line
But I can still tap out the beats
Of my heart in time
And in time
In time
I’ll make you mine
I’ll make you mine

Ocean waters don’t recede
In times like these
They just creep closer
And you can hide
But not for long
You can try to hear the answers wrong
But soon you
Will dissolve into
This body
Of mine
Of mine
I’ll make you in time
I’ll make you in time
Of mine

How to cure a howlin’ heart
When it plays such a vital part
Skip the jumprope down the line
Remember youth’s not far behind
And your body flows like red wine
Red Wine
Red Wine
Oh, how it stops time
How it stops time
Red wine

Lust, insanity, and love
Sit in a panel before me
But I can’t decide
So I take them all inside
Where we have a chat
at a railway station in the back
We never make the train
Lust, insanity, love and me
Laugh and cry through the night
Drunk on you
Drunk on you
Drunk on you
Drunk on you

When Stillness Closes In

Here's a recording of a song that I've never put up before. It's about 9 months old, and I think already my style has changed quite a bit since then. But I like the song and wanted to share it. Soon (possibly later tonight...) I'll put up some songs I've written since being in London...

When Stillness Closes In

Don't, don't cry when I'm gone
Don't let them tell you I'm not happy
'cause to dance with you is paradise
Yes, I'm happy just to dance one last time

Though the stars will no longer shine in the sky
And the Sun will never rise again
The light in my heart will stay bright because
I know I had a friend
I know I had a friend

When the clock strikes and it is my time
You'll know I'm gone by the silence
You'll know by the silence
Though my song might stop
The tune might give up
The words will live on
The words will live on
I put them here to keep you warm
To keep you safe if you get lost
That is the purpose of my song

When the executioner's brow grows so
Big, I think I'm going blind
When the executioner's brow grows so
Big, I think I'm going blind
I'll feel your hand in mine
And know there never was such a thing called sight
No, there never was such a thing as sight

When stillness closes in
When stillness closes in
And memories start to dim
Memories start to dim...

I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
And I'll keep you safe inside
I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
I'll paint new ones where the old ones lied
And I'll keep you safe inside my mind

So don't, don't cry when I'm gone
Don't let them tell you I'm not happy
'cause to dance with you is paradise
Yes, I'm happy just to dance one last time

Vertigo

When I take the tube to the campus of my university, I have to transfer trains at a station to catch the District line. But I get such terrible vertigo getting onto the train at this station. You know the over-tourist-ized "mind the gap" phrase that everyone wears on their shirts when they come see London? Well, it's more than just a slogan. The gap between the train and the platform here is real. And it's gaping. I could easily fall through. As the train pulls up my eyes can focus on only what looks like an ever growing abyss. I start getting dizzy. When the doors open, I try my best to just look straight ahead, so I focus on the floor of the train at the other end. But each time, without fail, the train appears to stretch further away from me. I imagine myself slipping because my poorly soled shoes can't take the sleek floors of the London Underground. I know it's all in my head, though. I don't know if I've ever experienced such terrifying vertigo. Maybe it's because the woman over the speaker says, "Mind the gap, mind the gap, mind the gap" about 8 times before we actually take off, which makes me think that this gap is ESPECIALLY menacing. It's funny though how a second of walking onto a train can stretch out into an eternity in your mind.

What else can I say? Think I might be getting a gig or two lined up for next month. Jim Carrey turned on the famous Oxford Street lights, which I did not attend. And Guy Fawkes day (or "bonfire night") fireworks were great. I got to sit in my kitchen, and because we live towards the top of a tower, I saw about 5 different shows going on. 'twas almost magical. The weather is getting bloody cold, though. My toes definitely reached new levels of popsicle last night.

Oh, yeah and the Brits love to mark what food comes from their royal land. Seriously, ANY food grown in Britian is clearly marked, "English semi-skimmed milk" "British Eggs" "Real British Beef." It's like they're trying to erase all the stereotypes about how the English have terrible culinary tastes. It's not all that bad, though. :)


Veronica
xx